WORSE THAN THE SADNESS WOULD BE TO AVOID IT

It's okay to be sad when things are objectively sad

Years ago a man broke off a relationship with me and said, as he left, that the problem is that I’m a “sufferer.” I haven’t thought much about that man as the years have gone by, but I have never forgotten that statement. I see that part of me, and I’m ever on alert for its ugly, self-pitying little voice.

But I don’t think that’s what’s going on now. Despite the fact that one friend keeps texting me that I look too sad in my videos; or comments online that I’m not “positive” the way I “used to be,” I always come back to the conclusion that no, perhaps certain others should be more sad the way that I am. Yes I do know how to have fun, and how to be happy. But what America is experiencing - and this is not hyperbole - is a world historic tragedy. The problem is not that people are sad. The problem is that not enough people are sad, many so exasperated by world events that they’re not quite sure how to integrate the level of sadness they would otherwise feel. Life goes on as normal is so many ways, people just buffering themselves from the pain. But of course the price is high for doing that. Most operations are best done with anesthesia, of course, but this is the kind we had best stay awake for.

A planet without even a trace of a thriving American democracy - yes it’s been limping along for quite a while now, but at least it existed - would not be a better place. And while our big heart and dedication to freedom would have faded, our tendency to militaristic misadventures seems only to be revving up. While there’s a peace deal in the Middle East, bombing boats off the coast of Venezuela (there is no fentanyl there, by the way), sending ships into the Caribbean, and moving troops into Chicago and Portland isn’t a way to wage peace.

From the Pentagon in effect throwing out real journalists so they can’t actually cover what they’re doing, to throwing around the weight of the U.S. military both domestically and internally like it’s the President’s private set of legos, demolishing the East Wing is nothing compared to how the administration is demolishing our democracy. And please, let’s stop calling it a ballroom. 90,000 square feet is not a ballroom. What I’m sure will be a state-of-the-art command center in a bunker underneath it will become the real West Wing, and they’ll keep the one above ground on the other side of the White House for use on TV. I’m sure his dictator buddies all told him, “Oh dahling, you really haaaave to get one! It’s the greatest! And no one can ever know what you’re doing in there! You’ll love it!” Certain tech buddies undoubtedly said, “Yeah, that sounds good.” It’s reasonable to think that the American people have no idea the level of nefarious dealings going on behind the scenes.

Now even you might be saying, “Oh come on, Marianne. Chill out a bit. Take a stress pill. You don’t know all that.” But you know what? Yes, I do.

Years ago, I was walking with my friend Mary Beth, then a Michigan Supreme Court Justice. It was a cold day in Detroit and for anyone who who might not know, a cold day in Detroit is a very cold day indeed. You don’t even pick up the newspaper outside your door without putting on a coat first. I glanced across the street and saw a little boy standing outside a store wearing nothing but a shirt and pants.

I pointed him out to Mary Beth, and in a split second she turned around and crossed the street. She went up to the little boy and told him to go inside. He was crying and said he couldn’t. “My Dad won’t let me.” The door to the store opened and a man said to us, “It’s okay. He’s my boy. He misbehaved and I told him he has to stay out there for a while.”

”Take him inside,” said Mary Beth.

She repeated her demand. He refused. She went in saying, “I’m calling the police.”

Inside the store, she took out her phone and began making the call. The man was clearly concerned. The proprietor of the store started making excuses for why he hadn’t done anything to protect the child. Mary Beth was already on the phone with police when the father realized he might be in trouble and brought his son back in from the cold.

Mary Beth Kelly didn’t have a smile on her face that day. She was as serious as a heart attack, and so should we be. Was it sad to see that beautiful little boy, tears nearly frozen on his cheeks as he stood there shivering and crying? You bet it was. But he didn’t need our sadness; he needed our help. The last thing I would ever want to be is someone who refused to see it, who just walked by, who let him suffer and told myself there was nothing to be done.

As we left, she told me, “I saw men like that in my Family Court every single day.” She spat out these words with contempt: “That man is an abuser.” Mary Beth saw what she saw. She knew what she knew. She had no illusions that this was a just a well-intentioned father simply doing what he thought best to discipline his son. Anyone in Detroit knows that leaving a child outside without a coat on a day like that is physical torture.

All of us should be like Mary Beth. I was so impressed by my friend that day. She did not skip a beat. She crossed that street so fast. She knew her power. And while yes she was a judge, she never even mentioned it. I realized that any of us could have done what she did that day. Any of us could have helped save that little boy. Any of us could have taken action.

I was in Panama City, Panama, this week, and I asked people I spoke to how they had reacted when President Trump, early in his second term, kept going on and on about how we were going to “take back the Panama Canal.” They made a gesture as though to say, “Oh please.” I realized when talking to them that the President no longer mentions that issue. And neither does he mention Greenland now, does he? Or making Canada the 51st state. So let’s get this straight. Panama told him to go shove it. Denmark told him to go shove it. Greenland told him to go shove it. On the 51st State issue, even Canada told him to go shove it. Only American law firms, media companies, universities and tech moguls have said, “Okay” to the outrageous demands of the President. Only Americans so far have caved.

And we shouldn’t be sad? No, we should definitely be sad. And we should also be smarter.

Waste, fraud and abuse, my ass. It was never about such things, anymore than the new “ballroom” is about State Dinners. In the end, DOGE didn’t even save money. It was simply about Elon Musk getting our data, and now he has it. They are the ones who waste. They are the frauds. And they are the abusers. ICE agents are a modern gestapo and the whole damn gang is an enemy within.

What we are experiencing now is a catastrophe, and the fact that The New York Times doesn’t have the guts to put it that way doesn’t mean it’s not happening. The fact that Jeff Bezos has turned the Washington Post editorial page into a megaphone for Trump madness doesn’t mean he isn’t mad. We’re being gaslit into oblivion.

So many millions of us are sad. It makes sense to be sad. Yes we have to go on with our lives, and we should experience happiness where we can find it. And God is working miracles even now - extraordinary energies are being activated all around us - but an unwillingness to recognize the depth of the darkness makes us less receptive to the power of the light. In the words of Hannah Arendt, “If world events weren’t so awful, life would be a joy.” The juxtaposition between what the world could be, and what it is, is an excruciating truth of life sometimes. It’s okay to know that. And it’s okay to cry.

Not only is there nothing wrong with sadness when times are objectively sad. Worse than the sadness would be to avoid it.